Parenting of teenagers can be a very tough job. You see your child who you once held their hand’s walking into preschool, now in high school, becoming an adult. For teenagers, they no longer want to be seen as a child, nor treated as a one, and will want to be seen and treated as an adult, with a lot of the freedoms (but not all necessarily all the responsibilities) that come with that. When parents see their children become teenagers and these young adults, they tend to want to allow them to have the space to grow and be their own person, but they also want to still protect them from some of the harsh realities that life brings. Today we’re going to go over 10 things parents don’t tell their teenagers.
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I told you don’t do that
Saying “I told you don’t do that” to your teenager child, is indirectly (in the teen’s mind) challenging them to do it. As your child crosses that puberty line and becomes a teen, that begin to want to stand out on their own more, to find their own identity, to not be a follower, but a leader, in their own right. Telling them “I told you don’t do that” makes them feel like a child, while also giving them a curiosity to find out why you said not to do what you told them, and in that natural rebelliousness in teens, they will almost always test your “challenge.”
Once your child becomes a teen, if you do not want them to do something, try talking to them face to face, about the possible outcomes of what you don’t want them to do, and then working with them to find the best the solution. This reasoning with them will make them feel more like an adult, and less like a child, and they will generally feel less inclined to go against you on the subject at hand, because they will feel that they’re not doing what you told them to, but doing what you and them discussed and agreed on. So as a parent, if you don’t tell this phrase to your teen, that is a great thing.
Telling your teenager that they are fine when knowing very little of what they are experiencing can be soul-crushing. Teenagers understand that your current experiences as their parent are different from what they are going through as a teen, but they do not want to feel like what they are experiencing isn’t important. It would work to your benefit as a parent to show empathy to what they are going through, and talk to them, and try to see things from their point of view, and talk to them, not at them or down to them. Doing this psychologist believe will go a long way to assisting in their self-confidence, and overall emotional and psychological health.
My house, my rules, deal with it
This is a threat that is used across the world towards teenagers, in many different cultures. Saying this to a teen, due to their natural feeling to challenge you at their current age, will likely not scare them, but will come across as a problem that they need to solve. When you say “My house, my rules, deal with it” – The way this is interpreted in your teenager is, “In this home you have to follow my rules, but if you go to a friend’s home, another family members home, or just somewhere else, you no longer have to do what I say.”
It is very important to understand how your teen will receive threats such as this, so you may want to try to come up with an alternate solution to them following your rules, such as talking to them as an adult and coming up with rules that you both can agree on, so that they feel like they are being heard, listened to, and having their own thoughts and feelings acknowledged. So if you don’t say this to them, that will work out well in the long run.